Idealization of Childhood
I wanted nothing else than to make the object as perfect as possible. Erno Rubik
Parents are there to mold their children into the best people they can become. Parents have images in their minds of who they want their children to become. They also know how they want their children to act. Parents want to be proud of their children and not feel shame and guilt about them. This at times can lead to a conflict.
Being a child is hard. It is harder to develop a realistic view of your childhood. Many things about childhood are fun and most are left with many happy memories. At times we do not allow ourselves to explore some of the downsides of childhood. Many adults have emotional scars from childhood. Mother knows best and parents are always right are messages taught to kids. This has left many adults with childhood scars. At times it can be a challenge to question the treatment a person received as a child. It can be hard to challenge the belief that a parent is always right. It can seem disrespectful to question the parenting of your parent.
Many things get in the way of exploring the negative side of disciplining a child. One is a lack of memory. Especially in early childhood as a child, you are not able to form clear memories of events that happened. Unfortunately, the impression is left and still impacts your thoughts and behavior. The exact details of events are not remembered. Parents are not comfortable exploring a child's emotions of sadness, hurt, pain, anger. When they are expressed the child is silenced. This leads to a suppression of unacceptable emotions. The child's emotions are not explored or validated. This then leads to emotional numbing. When a child raises an objection what is the caregiver's response? Is the child dismissed, shamed, or made to feel guilty about speaking up? They are taught that their parents/caregivers are right and they the child is wrong. When the child does something a parent views it as out of sync with how they should behave. How is the child made to behave? At times it can be through verbal comments and facial expressions or gestures. Other times though corporal punishment leading to fear, guilt, and shame. Many adults do not question the belief that a parent is always right. Which means they do not question the treatment they received as a child. At times they may believe the treatment was justified.
Growth is to see what you have not seen, feel what you have not felt, do what you have not done. - Lo, Imi
It is important to understand the truth of your childhood. It is important to understand what was good as well as what was bad. Both of these shape the adult you are today. It is important for you to acknowledge who you are. It is important for you to understand how you came to experience your emotions. This is one of the first steps to learns to become an authentic, compassionate person.
Lo, Imi. Emotional Sensitivity and Intensity (Teach Yourself) . John Murray Press. Kindle Edition.
Miller, Alice. For Your Own Good. Farrar, Straus and Giroux. Kindle Edition.
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