Learned Helplessness
"The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
You have made it through many difficult situations. You have endured heart-breaking pain. You have survived. But now, you are struggling mentally, physically, and emotionally. It has become very difficult, if not impossible, to stop the pain. You try so hard, but it’s not enough. You need help or suggestions for how to live a life that is free of anxiety and sleepless nights.
Learned helplessness is one reason you may be living a life of pain. In this post, we will explore the following topics:
1. What is learned helplessness?
2. How the concept developed.
3. What it looks like in a fictional person named Janet.
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Let’s take a look at how one person may be living a life of learned helplessness:
Janet stood in the kitchen staring at the granite countertop. For better or for worse, she thought repeatedly in a type of overwhelming cadence. For better or for worse, for better or for worse. Her eyes closed each time she took a controlled slow breath in an attempt to keep her anger at bay. Her hands tightly clutched the edges of the cold countertop. “Tell him,” she whispered to herself. Her husband was sitting on the couch watching television, oblivious. Janet reached for the envelope sitting on the counter, then hesitated. Why should I? She opened and closed her mouth, hesitating, “Hmm...Do you need this?” Without listening to his response, Janet dropped the envelope on the kitchen countertop with a surprising thud, “Take care of it yourself!” she yelled as she marched out of the kitchen.
Can you identify the source of Janet’s anger?
She is struggling with learned helplessness. Learned helplessness, in this case, is when a person with the ability to state their desires and needs fails to do so.
This phenomenon was first discovered in the 1960s while doing animal testing. Scientists restrained dogs and applied an electric shock to them. While this was allowed then, today, this is considered animal cruelty. What they discovered is that at first, the dogs made many attempts to escape the painful shock. But over time of repeated shocks and the dogs’ continued inability to escape, they simply stopped trying to escape. They even stopped moving in response to the pain from the shock. This is the training process of helplessness. The researchers then put these same dogs in a different area, this time unrestrained, and shocked them again. In this new unrestrained area, the perimeter barrier was low enough to allow the dogs the ability to jump over it. . But they did not attempt to escape the shock even when given the opportunity. They lay motionless and accepted the shock with no protest and no attempts to escape.
This is learned helplessness.
Learned helplessness is when someone can make a difference in their situation, but fail to do so. People no longer make attempts to improve their situation based upon their past experiences. In the example above, the dogs were being subjected to physical pain and in response, they made many fruitless attempts to escape their pain. Later when the dogs faced a similar situation, they didn’t expect to be able to escape the pain. So in response to the pain, they took no action. Obviously, humans are not dogs, so while this may be the origin of the phenomenon, let's see how this plays out in Janet’s life.
Janet is a strong-willed woman who works a job, goes to school, and takes care of her kids. She views her marriage as a happy one. She is not a person anyone would consider struggles with helplessness. So, it begs the question. How did she become a person who struggles with helplessness and how did it lead to her getting angry with her husband over an envelope?
Often, we feel helpless in lots of situations in our lives. The way anger gets a grip on us is it seems to be a way to extricate ourselves from helplessness. - Martha Nussbaum, Ernst Freund Distinguished Service Professor of Law and Ethics at the University of Chicago
The day before, Janet had asked her husband to help her clean the house. He agreed to help but continued to look at his phone and eat his lunch while she started cleaning. When he finished eating he stood up and said he had to go run some errands; Janet said nothing. She had asked him for his help initially but then said nothing while he ate nor when he left to go run errands.
Many different situations in a person’s life can lead to this pattern developing. An example can be a child being raised in a household where their opinion is not taken into consideration. When the young child protests situations perceived unfair, the parent silences him. Over time the child learns to not protest those situations. This pattern of inaction, unfortunately, can continue into adulthood if not recognized or addressed. Janet likely learned from a young age that stating her needs is not acceptable. When she was young she would likely yell, scream, throw herself on the floor in attempts to get her needs met. She would have been reprimanded with spankings, timeouts, or simply ignored. Over time she would stop making requests because they were always ignored or punished. As an adult, she carries this past experience into her relationship with her husband.
Let's dissect the above experience. Janet cleans the home; while doing so, she fails to reinforce the importance of her husband helping her. When she sees the mail sitting on the counter, she tells herself her husband expects her to do everything and that he does not appreciate her. She does not expect him to be receptive to her emotions and needs. She begins to fill with anger. She builds up frustration that she then directs onto the envelope.
If you struggle with learned helplessness, it is important to identify how it occurs in your life. What emotions do you experience? When do you experience them? How do you react? At times anger and walking away can be a response to a stressful situation that you are avoiding. It is important to find the courage to speak calmly in difficult situations and express not just your emotions, but your needs as well. Initially, if you find it difficult to speak up in the moment, you may want to walk away and calm yourself, but make sure you address it eventually; better late than never. If you find it difficult to verbalize your needs, you may try writing down your thoughts. With time, you will become more comfortable vocalizing your needs in difficult situations. Only by asking for help, actually communicating your needs, can you hope to work your way out of learned helplessness.
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The information provided through this blog is for educational and informational purposes only. By reading this blog, you agree not to use this as medical/psychiatric advice to treat any medical/psychiatric condition. By reading this blog it does not create a physician-patient relationship. Consult your own physician for any medical/psychiatric issues that you may be having. This entire disclaimer also applies to any guests or contributors to the blog. Under no circumstances shall Nicole Gutierrez MD, Kwinpax Behavioral Health PLLC, any guests or contributors to the blog, or any employees, associates, or affiliates of Kwinpax Behavioral Health PLLC be responsible for damages arising from the use of the blog.
