What Is Empathy and How Can I Improve My Empathy Skills?
You form connections with other people by sharing pieces of yourself with them. You may have watched Titanic and cried at the end. You may have watched someone tripping and winced. You might have also experienced getting mad at your friend's cheating ex simply because they shared how upsetting it was for them.
By empathizing with others, you experience life through others' senses. You observe what they go through or listen to their stories, understand them deeply, and put yourself in their shoes.
If you find you struggle with making connections with others it’s important to recognize that empathy is a skill that can be improved with practice and a trait.
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What is empathy?
Empathy is the ability to feel what another person is feeling. Empathy can be used to understand what another person is going through.
Merriam-Webster defines empathy as the action of being aware of, being sensitive to, and understanding the experience/thoughts/emotions of someone else's. This occurs without you having the same feelings/experiences/thoughts yourself. This is based upon your ability to recreate the experience another person is having within yourself.
Empathy has a distinct set of neurological processes in the brain. Empathy activates the anterior medial cingulate cortex and anterior insula of the brain. It also involves mirror neurons. These parts of your brain allow you to feel the same emotions or experiences another person does.
Why is empathy important?
Empathy is important in relationship-building and for pro-social behaviors. Empathy developed as a way to care for our young as well as to work cooperatively as a group. Both of which have been necessary for humans to survive and thrive (de Waal, 2005).
Empathy is essential for developing strong emotional bonds or connections with others. When you feel empathy for someone, you are more likely to want to help them. Seeing others' suffering and being able to imagine how it feels can trigger and motivate you to help them.
Going through college, breakups, sickness, and loss would be much worse without any help from your loved ones. With their help, you are able to make it through many of life's challenges.
Is Empathy a Skill or a Trait?
Is empathy a skill or trait? Is it genetic or environmental? Is it automatic or learned? The answer to all of these questions is yes.
A skill is an ability that is developed through training.
First, Empathy is a skill because it can be reinforced and improved through the help of family, friends, school, etc. (Rogers, 2020). Growing up you were taught the golden rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For instance, you should not say something offensive to another person because it would ruin your day if they did the same to you. Growing up you were taught to think about your actions and what effect they could have on others. This is a key skill in developing empathy.
Empathy is also a trait. Some people are naturally more empathetic than others. As previously mentioned, mirror neurons in our brains reveal a lot about the connection between human biology and empathy. A study claims that 10% of the variation in empathy levels between individuals is due to genes. Females also tend to be more empathetic than males. However, there are no empathy-related genetic differences found between them, and it may be explained by other non-genetic factors (Sandoiu, 2018).
3 Types of Empathy with Examples
There are three types of empathy. Understanding the different types can help you develop your empathy skills. These types are based on different levels of understanding of another person.
No empathy: this is when you have no empathy toward others.
Example: John has a meeting with Mary. He arrives early in anticipation of the meeting. When it is time for the meeting to begin and Mary has not arrived he begins sending angry texts to her about being lazy and how not showing up on time is very disrespectful to him.
Low empathy: this is when you have some empathy toward others. You are able to see and recognize the suffering of others and even discuss such situations. But you fail to understand their situation and perspective.
Example: Jimmy talks about how he's frustrated about his coworkers always gossiping about him. He complains that he is doing his best to be friendly and respectful to everyone, yet it doesn't improve the situation. His friend Juan understands this and also feels the same way for him because he can feel how frustrating it is to be in his place. As a result, he criticizes him and points out his errors which cause him to have distance between himself and his co-workers.
High Empathy: This is when you have a lot of empathy for others. You are able to recognize the suffering of others and understand their situation and perspective. It has three components:
A. Affective Empathy: This type of empathy involves understanding and feeling someone else's emotions.
Example: Martha sees John sitting at a table with his hands covering his face. She senses that he is tired and frustrated.
B. Somatic Empathy: This type of empathy means experiencing the same physical sensation despite not experiencing something yourself.
Example: Alex is watching a movie about a surfer trying to survive a shark attack. When she was suddenly bit on the leg, Alex also jumped in surprise and winced at the surfer’s terrible wounds.
C. Cognitive Empathy: This type of empathy includes understanding others' mental responses to a situation or their way of thinking.
Example: Blake knows that her sister Hannah is a practical person. Blake is helping shop for items for their new house, and Blake anticipates that Hannah would rather spend more money on good-quality furniture rather than expensive decorations. So, she buys what she knows Hannah would want.
Signs of Empathy
To know how to develop or improve empathy, you must first check some indicators of empathy. These are some of the signs that you can look for in yourself or others to determine whether they are an empathetic person.
1. Having good listening skills.
Healthy communication involves being a good listener. To understand and feel someone else's joys or burdens, we first have to listen carefully to what they have to say. If you are an empathetic person, you probably have a friend that prefers to share stories with you because they feel heard.
2. Being thoughtful.
Showing empathy involves thinking about how others are affected or will be affected by anything. For instance, as an empathetic person, if your shy friend is about to give a speech, you can also feel her nervousness. You might think about how you can motivate or distract her to lessen her stress.
3. Having people come to you for advice.
As an empathetic person, your advice is probably valuable to other people. This is because, as mentioned, you are a very good listener. Without this skill, you wouldn't be able to understand what they need or want. Without understanding, your advice would be ineffective or make their situation worse.
4. Being helpful.
After putting yourself in someone else's shoes, you might have the urge to help. If you're an empathetic person, seeing someone get harassed in public might make you feel upset too. Because of this, you would probably help them to get that person out of a bad situation.
5. Caring deeply about other people.
As an empathetic person, you might feel strong connections with many people in your life. Despite having your own priorities, you somehow make time to call and ask your loved ones how they are doing. You are most likely attending to their needs regularly.
How Do You Develop or Improve Empathy?
Here are some tips that you can try to help you develop or improve your empathy skills (Sutton, 2020; Cherry 2022):
· Join various groups and be involved in them.
· Be curious about other people, even about the small things about them.
· Be reminded that there is always room to grow outside of your comfort zone, and let it humble you.
· Be willing to also open up about your own life.
· Activate your imagination to truly understand others' experiences.
· Focus on listening without interrupting unless they ask for advice.
· Don’t just listen but also observe nonverbal cues and body language when talking to someone.
· Reflect on your own biases, and explore how others form their own opinions on various matters.
· Be open to an alternative perspective, especially on topics that you find challenging to talk about.
· Aside from differences, observe the similarities you share with others.
· Discover unique stories from people of all walks of life by reading.
· To learn from your mistakes, make sure to ask for honest feedback from others
Empathy is a skill, and there is still much to learn about it. By improving your empathy skills, you can make a difference in your own life and the lives of others.
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Citation:
Cherry, K. (2022, July 21). Why Empathy Is Important. Verywell Mind. Retrieved July 27, 2022, from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-empathy-2795562
de Waal, F. (2005, September 1). The Evolution of Empathy. Greater Good. Retrieved July 26, 2022, from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_evolution_of_empathy
Marsh, J. (2012, March 29). Do Mirror Neurons Give Us Empathy? Greater Good. Retrieved July 25, 2022, from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/do_mirror_neurons_give_empathy
Pang Y, Song C, Ma C. Effect of Different Types of Empathy on Prosocial Behavior: Gratitude as Mediator. Front Psychol. 2022 Feb 17;13:768827. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2022.768827. PMID: 35250712; PMCID: PMC8891453.
Rogers, K. (2020, June 24). How to develop your empathy skills. CNN. Retrieved July 26, 2022, from https://edition.cnn.com/2020/06/24/health/develop-empathy-skills-wellness/index.html#:%7E:text=studies%20have%20suggested-,Empathy%20is%20both%20a%20trait%20and%20a%20skill.,us%20to%20bond%2C%20Konrath%20said.
Sandoiu, A. (2018, March 12). How much of our empathy is down to genes? Medical News Today. Retrieved July 25, 2022, from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321173#A-tenth-of-empathy-variation-is-genetic
Spreng RN, McKinnon MC, Mar RA, Levine B. The Toronto Empathy Questionnaire: scale development and initial validation of a factor-analytic solution to multiple empathy measures. J Pers Assess. 2009 Jan;91(1):62-71. doi: 10.1080/00223890802484381. PMID: 19085285; PMCID: PMC2775495.
Suttie, J. (2019, February 1). Why the World Needs an Empathy Revolution. Greater Good. Retrieved July 25, 2022, from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_the_world_needs_an_empathy_revolution
Sutton, J., Ph.D. (2022, June 30). How to Develop Empathy: 10 Exercises & Worksheets (+ PDF). PositivePsychology.Com. Retrieved July 27, 2022, from https://positivepsychology.com/empathy-worksheets/#strategies-to-develop-empathy
Wong, C. (2019, October 7). Emotional Contagion: What It Is and How to Guard Against It. Verywell Mind. Retrieved July 25, 2022, from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-emotional-contagion-2795824
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