What is a Boundary?
“The only people who get upset when you set boundaries are the ones who benefited from you having none.”
- unknown-
Boundaries are important. What is a boundary? Merriam-Webster dictionary defines boundaries as a limit or extent. A boundary or limit is set by each individual person. It is important for each person to take time and think about what is okay for them and is not okay for them. Each person has needs and wants. Boundaries help a person define where one person starts and the other ends. Boundaries are important because they help a person maintain their well-being.
There are many types of boundaries: physical, emotional, intellectual, sexual, material. We will focus on three examples of boundary violations.
Boundaries can be physical.
You have the right to establish how a person can and cannot touch you. This ranges from casual encounters with acquaintances to partners.
Do you feel comfortable with acquaintances hugging you, yes or no?
Do you prefer to shake their hands or wave, hello or goodbye?
Your boundary may be different for friends versus close family members. You have the right to establish what your boundary is. Not your family, not your culture, only you do.
You have the right to establish how close in proximity a person can come to you.
Do you stand next to an acquaintance when you speak?
Do you wrap your arms around your partner when talking?
Physical boundaries will depend upon your relationship with a person.
What are your physical boundaries with your partner? They can differ in daily, casual encounters versus sexual encounters. It also includes aggression and physical violence. Any form of physical aggression is not okay. Examples of violence may include: throwing things, pulling a person, grabbing a person. These actions are boundary violations.
Boundaries can be mental/emotional.
These boundaries are more challenging to establish. They involve taking on more than your fair share of a problem. It could range from overidentifying with a person to trying to solve their problems.
Mary likes her friend Jane. They have been friends for a long time. Mary at times finds herself agreeing with Jane and not stating a differing opinion. Jane has strong thoughts and Mary likes to be congenial. She wants her friend to like her and not cause tension in the relationship. At times she will accept Jane's comments and not express her own. Mary is failing to separate her thoughts from her friends. She is discounting her own self-worth. This is a boundary violation.
Martha and Susana are close work friends. They have known each other for years. Their kids play together and they frequent each other’s home. Susana is late to work 2-3 days out of the workweek. While Martha is normally on time or early. On days she is late, Susanna will text Martha and ask for help. She will ask her to print her handouts for the morning meeting. Susana is putting her responsibilities onto Martha. This is a boundary violation.
Boundaries are present to make sure each person is respected. Boundaries are the responsibility of each individual to identify and maintain.
The information provided through this blog is for educational and informational purposes only. By reading this blog, you agree not to use this as medical/psychiatric advice to treat any medical/psychiatric condition. By reading this blog it does not create a physician-patient relationship. Consult your own physician for any medical/psychiatric issues that you may be having. This entire disclaimer also applies to any guests or contributors to the blog. Under no circumstances shall Nicole Gutierrez MD, Kwinpax Behavioral Health PLLC, any guests or contributors to the blog, or any employees, associates, or affiliates of Kwinpax Behavioral Health PLLC be responsible for damages arising from the use of the blog.
