Developing meaningful relationships
I have always garnered a lot of joy from my work relationships. That is not to say developing friendships are easy. While I am socially connected, I struggle with loneliness. Expressing this emotion comes as a challenge to me. By allowing myself to unpeel some of my layers, I hope it will allow you to acknowledge and explore your own struggles with isolation.
Many of us are connected to those around us. We connect with our families, co-workers, and friends. You may spend time regularly with them speaking and doing activities.
Regarding the people in your life, how much time do you spend interacting with them?
How often do you interact with them?
What does interacting with another person look like?
What does interacting with another person feel like?
I think it is important to take a few minutes to write down who is in your social circle. Writing down things takes them out of our minds. Which at times can manipulate information. It can make things appear more or less favorable or worse than they really are. So please take a minute and record who your friends are, who your family members are. Let us start by looking at how socially connected you are to the world around you. Please fill in the individuals in the below categories. Feel free to add or subtract categories or make them more detailed and to better suit your life. This is your list and it needs to reflect your social world.
Work:________________________
Religion:______________________
Family:_______________________
Friends:______________________
Activities:_____________________
Growing up I have always been a loner. I was always actively involved in school and activities, but never really deeply involved with others. This has led to me spending a lot of time by myself. I have always had a longing to have deep meaningful connections with others. But my fear has always gotten in the way. If you find yourself in the same boat starting to explore what gets in the way can help.
How does fear impact your ability to develop deep meaningful relationships?
Do you feel you need more social engagement? Meaning you need to be around more people so you can have opportunities to make connections with others.
Do you feel you need to improve your social skills? Meaning do you need to become a more engaging speaker or a better listener for example.
Do you feel like you need social support?
Do you need to have more people who support you?
Do you need to work on your social awareness skills?
Do you think others don’t want to be your friend and like any good attorney you have the evidence to prove it?
Before moving further I think it is important to distinguish loneliness and social isolation. The terms are related but are distinct. Social connection has to do with how many people you speak to regularly. A person can speak to their sibling weekly and have co-workers they speak to almost daily, and friends outside of work and family they interact with weekly. Not speaking with people regularly is social isolation. Loneliness has two components feeling disconnected from others and feeling rejected by others.
Feeling disconnected from others would look like a person having difficulty opening up to others and poor listening skills. This can result in thoughts of not fitting in or not being understood by others. Feeling disconnected from others can lead to beliefs of rejection.
How do lonely people reject others? They will distort or misinterpret the actions of others. They will spend more time focused on those that did not want to interact with them rather than those who did. They observe the mood and behaviors of others and quickly interpret many things the other person does or says as evidence they are not liked.
This can result in increased attention paid to perceived slights. Individuals who feel lonely will look for evidence to support why they are lonely and socially isolated. They will use this as evidence to prove to themselves why they are lonely and have no to few friends.
Why all of this matters. Being socially isolated, but more important struggling with loneliness can be just as harmful to your health as high blood pressure, smoking, and obesity. As humans, we are meant to be social. Being in meaningful relationships brings us joy and helps us cope with stressful life situations.
The information provided through this blog is for educational and informational purposes only. By reading this blog, you agree not to use this as medical/psychiatric advice to treat any medical/psychiatric condition. By reading this blog it does not create a physician-patient relationship. Consult your own physician for any medical/psychiatric issues that you may be having. This entire disclaimer also applies to any guests or contributors to the blog. Under no circumstances shall Nicole Gutierrez MD, Kwinpax Behavioral Health PLLC, any guests or contributors to the blog, or any employees, associates, or affiliates of Kwinpax Behavioral Health PLLC be responsible for damages arising from the use of the blog.
