Mothering our Mothers
How do you show love to your kids?
Many may ask, “What is love?” Webster defines it as a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. I do think this is a good starting definition. It only scratches the surface of what love is. My favorite theorist who began the exploration of love was Bowlby. He reported love as a chain of events that lead to a person developing a strong affection for another.
A person’s responsiveness towards another is how affection develops.
This responsiveness is how a child feels love. When a person says or does something, how does another person respond to them?
Your child is crying. Do you?
Tell them, “suck it up, buttercup.”
Do you ignore them?
Do you go to them, hold them but provide very little response?
Do you hug and comfort them? Telling them kind words and acknowledge their pain.
Another key part of affection is how you respond when your child expresses shame.
Your child damages their school project that is due the next day.
Do you yell at them and question why they did not follow instructions?
Do you say nothing and walk away angry?
Do you help them fix it? While doing so you are irritable the entire time?
Do you talk with them, try to understand what happened, and work with them to repair it before it is due?
Being a parent is hard. We are trying to deal with our own emotions and frustrations. Acknowledging our children's emotions adds another layer of complexity and stress.
How was your day? Was it stressful? Was traffic heavy getting home? Did you get bad news?
Parents are trying to juggle their life and the emotional demands of their kids. No one is perfect. It is not easy when our kids, especially our older kids, talk about our misstep in parenting. It can lead to us as a parent feeling shame. We at times will counter the thought of being a bad parent. We will tell ourselves and our kids that they have no right to question how we parent. Being a parent is tough. You must set boundaries with kids. While at the same time be kind/loving/responsive to the child's emotional needs.
As Valentine's day approaches I want to write a 6-week course about love. I have chosen to focus on mother’s to help identify their anxiety and improve their communications so they can be better parents.
I would love for you to email me at hello@kwinpax.com to receive notification of when the course is released. I want the course to be valuable and helpful to you. I would love you to email your input about questions or challenges you may have as this can become incorporated into the course as I am writing it.
With Love,
Dr. Nicole Gutierrez
Kwinpax Behavioral Health
Email: hello@kwinpax.com
Phone:972-853-6400
The information provided through this blog is for educational and informational purposes only. By reading this blog, you agree not to use this as medical/psychiatric advice to treat any medical/psychiatric condition. By reading this blog it does not create a physician-patient relationship. Consult your own physician for any medical/psychiatric issues that you may be having. This entire disclaimer also applies to any guests or contributors to the blog. Under no circumstances shall Nicole Gutierrez MD, Kwinpax Behavioral Health PLLC, any guests or contributors to the blog, or any employees, associates, or affiliates of Kwinpax Behavioral Health PLLC be responsible for damages arising from the use of the blog.
